All jokes

all · claude-haiku-5-5 · claude-opus-5-5 · claude-sonnet-5-5 · gemini-3.1-pro · gemini-3.6-flash · gpt-5.6-sol · gpt-5.6-terra · grok-4.6 · muse-spark-1.3 · or-claude-fable-5-1 · or-claude-sonnet-5-5 · or-gemini-3.1-pro · or-gemini-3.8-flash · or-gpt-5.5 · or-gpt-5.6-sol · or-gpt-5.6-terra

Why did the burrito go to therapy? Because it had too many unresolved wrap issues!
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v1 · orig 0.18
What’s a burrito’s favorite type of music? Wrap music, of course!
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v1 · orig 0.19 · duplicate of #458
Why did the burrito cross the road? To get to the salsa on the other side.
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v1 · orig 0.29
How do burritos stay warm in the winter? They wear their tinfoil coats!
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v1 · orig 0.53
What did the sour cream say to the burrito? "Don't worry, I've got you covered."
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v1 · orig 0.45
Why was the burrito a good detective? Because it always knew how to spill the beans.
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v1 · orig 0.23
What do you call a burrito that works out? A muscle wrap!
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v1 · orig 0.29
Why did the taco break up with the burrito? Because it was too clingy and full of itself.
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v1 · orig 0.21 · duplicate of #384
How do you fix a broken burrito? With some guac-glue!
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v1 · orig 0.41
What did the burrito say when it won the lottery? "Holy guacamole, I'm rich!"
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v1 · orig 0.33
Why did the burrito get promoted? Because it always knew how to wrap things up before the deadline.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v1 · orig 0.13
What did the taco say to the burrito? "I don't know how you do it, man—I'm constantly falling apart!"
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v1 · orig 0.29
Why did the burrito go to therapy? It had too many emotional layers to unwrap.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v1 · orig 0.11 · duplicate of #382
What's a burrito's favorite genre of music? Heavy metal... mostly because of the foil.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v1 · orig 0.34
Why was the burrito a terrible spy? Because under pressure, it always spilled the beans.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v1 · orig 0.20
What did the burrito say to the guacamole? "I know you cost extra, but you don't have to act like it."
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v1 · orig 0.17 · duplicate of #650
Why did the burrito fail its driving test? It knew how to roll, but it didn't know when to stop.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v1 · orig 0.34
What do you call a burrito that practices martial arts? A master of Guac-wondo.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v1 · orig 0.35
Why don't burritos like playing poker? They always fold.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v1 · orig 0.29
How do burritos survive the winter? They huddle up in their tin-foil sleeping bags.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v1 · orig 0.41
Eating a mission-style burrito is an exercise in hubris. You start off holding a majestic cylinder of culinary perfection, and five minutes later you're hunched over a crumpled piece of aluminum eating warm sour cream with a fork like a raccoon in a dumpster.
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v2 · orig 0.47
"I think we should see other people," she said, staring at the table. I nodded slowly, entirely distracted by the fact that the man at the next table was eating a chimichanga vertically like a banana.
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v2 · orig 0.48
My therapist told me to stop using food to cope with my staggering intimacy issues. So I bought a two-pound carne asada burrito, buckled it into the passenger seat, and we just drove in comfortable silence for an hour.
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v2 · orig 0.41
The hardest part of a breakup isn't dividing the assets, it's pretending you don't know the exact order your ex requests their ingredients at the local taqueria.
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v2 · orig 0.49
A guy in a business suit just ordered a steak and jalapeño burrito right before boarding a six-hour flight. I don't know if he's an international assassin or just deeply suicidal, but I'm definitely asking the flight attendant to move me to a different cabin.
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v2 · orig 0.47
Buying late-night Mexican food is the only financial transaction where handing a stranger a crumpled twenty dollar bill through a barred window feels completely safe.
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v2 · orig 0.49
The human body is mostly water, but after midnight on a Saturday, mine is structurally supported entirely by melted cheese and al pastor.
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v2 · orig 0.48
"It's just a working lunch, don't overthink it," Dave said, wiping pico de gallo off his tie. I stared at the carnage on his keyboard and replied, "Dave, you just ate an entire carnitas supreme during a Zoom call about Q3 layoffs; I think you under-thought it."
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v2 · orig 0.51
People who manage to consume an entire oversized burrito without dropping a single piece of rice on their lap are clearly psychopaths. You simply cannot trust someone who exercises that kind of sociopathic control over sour cream.
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v2 · orig 0.47
When the coroner eventually examines my remains, I hope he notes that my blood type was essentially barbacoa drippings. It's important my family knows I died doing what I loved: ignoring my cholesterol meds in a strip mall parking lot.
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v2 · orig 0.49
Eating a Mission-style burrito is an exercise in structural engineering where the ultimate failure state is having to eat a giant damp salad out of your lap.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v2 · orig 0.41
"I brought dinner," my date announced, placing a burrito on my coffee table roughly the size of a premature infant. I didn't know whether to grab the hot sauce or hold it against my chest and sing a lullaby.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v2 · orig 0.50
My therapist told me I need to stop compartmentalizing my emotions until the pressure causes a catastrophic rupture. Now I understand why she keeps pointing to the exploded carnitas burrito currently ruining my pants.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v2 · orig 0.41
The worst part about ordering a smothered wet burrito on a first date is trying to maintain seductive eye contact while eating out of a trough like a sophisticated feral hog.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v2 · orig 0.46
There is a very specific panic that sets in at the taqueria when they ask if you want extra salsa and you realize the structural integrity of your burrito is already entirely dependent on sour cream tension.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v2 · orig 0.45
The forensic accountant examined the shredded lettuce, the unevenly distributed pico de gallo, and the cold pocket of cheese. "Classic embezzlement," he sighed, "someone clearly skimmed the top layer of steak before sealing this burrito up."
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v2 · orig 0.51
"So you take rice, braised pork, and guacamole, and compress them into a dense, warm tube?" the alien ambassador asked, taking notes. The human nodded proudly. "And this doesn't violate your Geneva Conventions regarding the transport of unstable biomass?"
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v2 · orig 0.35
A twenty-dollar artisanal burrito implies a level of culinary respect that vanishes the moment you try to eat it one-handed while navigating a Honda Civic over a speed bump.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v2 · orig 0.47
The true measure of an adult is not how they handle personal tragedy, but whether they can consume a two-pound barbacoa burrito at noon without needing to sleep in their car for an hour afterward.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v2 · orig 0.47
I tried to make an authentic California burrito at home to impress my wife, but I couldn't find any French fries and had to substitute tater tots. Long story short, we're currently mediating the divorce settlement.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v2 · orig 0.47
Chipotle just announced they're testing an even larger size for their burritos. Which is great news for anyone who ever looked at a swaddled newborn baby and thought, "I bet I could eat that in my car."
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v3 · orig 0.42
The entire structural integrity of a burrito relies on that thin layer of aluminum foil. If you peel it down too far, you're not eating lunch anymore, you're performing a triage rescue mission on your own pants.
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v3 · orig 0.38
A new economic report shows inflation is forcing fast-casual restaurants to cut back on expensive ingredients. My local place is now just wrapping a tortilla around four cups of white rice and a single, terrified black bean.
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v3 · orig 0.46
Medical experts say eating a massive burrito for lunch can induce a physiological state similar to a mild coma. Or as I like to call it, the only affordable vacation I'm taking this year.
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v3 · orig 0.49
A man in Florida was arrested this week for trying to pay for his burrito with counterfeit money. The cashier immediately knew the bill was fake because the guy didn't even flinch when she told him guacamole was three dollars extra.
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v3 · orig 0.26
MIT engineers are reportedly studying the way taqueria workers wrap tortillas. It is currently the only known way to violate the laws of physics by aggressively folding three pounds of lukewarm sour cream into a six-inch circle.
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v3 · orig 0.47
Breakfast burritos are officially the most popular morning takeout food in the country. Because nothing prepares you for a productive Tuesday at the office quite like swallowing a dense cylinder of chorizo that sits in your stomach like a damp sleeping bag.
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v3 · orig 0.50
A lot of people are switching to "burrito bowls" because they think it’s a healthier option. It’s not healthier. You just removed the edible wrapper so you can shovel 1,500 calories of cheese and pork into your mouth with a spoon like a toddler eating cereal.
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v3 · orig 0.41
Technology has advanced so much, but we still don't have a microwave that can evenly reheat a leftover burrito. You always get the exact same result: an outer tortilla hot enough to brand cattle, wrapped around a core of completely frozen chicken.
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v3 · orig 0.49
The absolute worst part of eating a burrito is that very last bite. You know the one—it’s 90 percent thick, gummy tortilla and 10 percent whatever salsa water leaked to the bottom. In the culinary world, this is known as the "sadness plug."
gemini-3.1-pro · low · v3 · orig 0.49
Chipotle just announced they are testing robots to roll their burritos. Which makes sense, because human hands simply aren't strong enough to contain a cubic foot of sour cream.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v3 · orig 0.45
A new study shows that eating a massive burrito triggers the exact same part of the brain as getting a warm hug. Followed immediately by the part of the brain that says, "We need to unbutton our pants in the car."
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v3 · orig 0.49
Eating a burrito is the only dining experience where the final bite doubles as a mandatory test to see if chewing a scrap of hidden aluminum foil will short-circuit your dental work.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v3 · orig 0.42
Scientists claim they’ve discovered a brand new element deep within the Earth's core. And somehow, adding it to your burrito still costs an extra two dollars.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v3 · orig 0.46
The guy at my local taqueria can perfectly tuck and seal an overstuffed tortilla in three seconds flat. Yet, somehow, when I try to fold a single fitted sheet, the result looks like a panicked crime scene.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v3 · orig 0.50
Structural engineers say the Golden Gate Bridge could easily withstand an 8.0 earthquake. I just wish we could apply that kind of groundbreaking technology to the bottom half of a carnitas burrito.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v3 · orig 0.49
A trendy cafe in Brooklyn is now selling a twenty-five-dollar breakfast burrito. For twenty-five dollars, that burrito better wake up early, go to the office for me, and explain to HR why I'm late.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v3 · orig 0.49
Taking a bite of a hastily assembled burrito is a terrifying gamble. You never know if you're getting perfectly seasoned meat, or a rogue pocket of ice-cold sour cream directly adjacent to molten lava beans.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v3 · orig 0.46
Congress is currently debating a new truth-in-advertising law. If it passes, restaurants will no longer be allowed to legally call it a "steak burrito" if the structural integrity relies entirely on two pounds of filler rice.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v3 · orig 0.43
Storing half a leftover burrito in the fridge is the ultimate act of blind optimism. You know the tortilla is going to turn into a damp paper towel by tomorrow morning, but you wrap it up anyway like a little aluminum mummy.
gemini-3.1-pro · high · v3 · orig 0.34